Updated: Jul 20, 2021
This article answers the following questions I've received from clients and students:
Who can I talk to about my plant medicine experiences?
Is it safe to share my memories of childhood abuse with someone, and if so, who?
How can I feel less alone in the world?
How can I lessen my need to control everything?
What's the best way to start integrating my plant medicine experience?
What do I do if my therapist isn't able to take my call?
How can I heal this pattern I have of doing everything myself?
How can I start asking others for help?
A call list is a powerful tool that is of supreme assistance throughout the ongoing processes of personal awakening and/or integrating plant medicine experiences. The call list contains a numbered list of fellow humans whom you feel you can rely on, and whom you can speak openly to, in regards to your challenging situations, consciousness-expanding experiences, emotional triggers, and dark nights of the soul.
A call list literally looks like this:
Why is a Call List Necessary?
The short answer to this question is that it's absolutely time that we all begin to recognize that we're on this planet together, that we need each other's help to navigate these lifetimes, and that the capacity to ask others for help is a strength and an emboldening of our true interconnectedness. I mean, come on, raise your hand if you're tired of "going it alone", relying heavily on your own self-sufficiency, and pretending to have all of the answers (that you realistically don't).
The long answer to this question, "Why is a call list necessary?", requires me first to direct our focus expansively outward to the beautiful planetary sphere we inhabit, Earth. In The Law of One book series, the humble messenger Ra explains that Earth as a planet has already made the transition into 4th density. Fourth density, as described by Ra, is known as the Density of Love. Within the 4th Density of Love, all beings are consciously aware of their inherent interconnection with others, telepathy and the ability to feel and know what others are thinking is normal, and humans are rooted in love.
The humble messenger Ra furthermore illustrates that the collective of humanity, however, is presently in the midst of making the transition from 3rd density to 4th density. Third density, as described by Ra, is known as the Density of Choice. Within the 3rd Density of Choice, humans are veiled from their inherent interconnection with others and instead experience a strong sense of separateness and resulting self-sufficiency. In 3rd density, humans also must proactively "choose" to see beyond the illusion of physical forms to experience the subconscious roots of the mind. Additionally, a sense of fear and scarcity has a tendency to permeate life experiences until a person begins to awaken to the abundance of God's love that already exists within.
It’s my own intuitive understanding that as humans make the transition into 4th density from 3rd density, everything that has been hanging out in the shadows, collectively and individually, will be coming to the surface to be seen, heard, felt, and ultimately forgiven and returned to love. In other words, all unacknowledged trauma, mass manipulations, hidden distortions and abuse, shameful secrets, blatant harms, and clandestine corruptions will be brought to light (whether we're ready for it or not).
It is also my intuitive understanding that this is already happening, and will continue to happen, at the individual level and the collective level. We will have the opportunity to recognize where we've experienced victimization and how we've also played-out the role of victimizer, bringing love to both.
And in light of the supposition by Ra that Earth itself is already fully embodying the 4th Density of Love, we can expect that the planet will be speeding-up this transitional process for humans. Therefore, us humans will be experiencing uncomfortable awarenesses, piercing insights, distressing emotions, expansive understandings, and powerful catalysts for awakening at a pronounced rate.
This is brand new territory for all of us. The call list is a powerful and necessary tool that has the potential to assist each and every one of us in relinquishing the illusion and pain of separateness and self-sufficiency, allowing us to more gracefully transition into the 4th Density of Love.
A Countermeasure to the Ego's Fear & the Shadow's Distrust
The ego would have you believe that you are a completely autonomous body, that you survive and thrive solely due to your own self-will, and that you are the sole actor having affectation on your life. If the ego is given too much authority within your life (as it quite often is in this 3rd density human experience), or if the ego is unconsciously allowed to run rampant, you may find yourself unnecessarily striving for self-sufficiency.
This striving for self-sufficiency is also supported and encouraged within many of Earth’s cultures and civilizations at present, where there is an over-emphasis on being right, competing and winning at all costs, accumulating material wealth, and profiteering at the expense of other humans, other life-forms, and even the planetary ecosystems at large.
Similarly, the shadow self would also have you believe that you should be completely autonomous, that needing other people is weak or dangerous, and that your personal survival depends on fearful vigilance and protection from others. The shadow self is the unconscious amassment of distortions, blocks to love, thought patterns, and beliefs that are a result of trauma you’ve experienced within your lifetime. The shadow self, if unseen and unacknowledged, will have you believe that you are entirely separate from other humans, and that humans, including yourself, cannot be trusted.
This combination of the ego’s striving for self-sufficiency and the shadow’s fear and distrust of others is debilitating, and it can result in you perceiving that you are separate, alone, unworthy, and isolated on a planet full of humans.
Alternatively, the call list is a tool that counters the glorification of self-sufficiency and distrust of others by providing you with an ongoing opportunity to consciously reach out to others for help, feedback, mirroring, love, and insight. When used regularly and respectfully, the call list has the ability to restore self-trust, strengthen connections with others, ease stress, dissipate feelings of isolation, loosen self-imposed burdens, and cultivate a willingness to see beyond perceived limitations.
In fact, when we make a practice of reaching out to others for guidance, assistance, and support, we are actively demonstrating several things:
THAT WE ARE NOT ALONE, nor do we ever have to “go it alone”.
That we do not have all of the answers (nor are we meant to).
That the negative collective patterning of secrecy, shame, keeping up appearances, and self-sufficiency can be countered and ultimately released.
That we can trust something greater than ourselves.
That we can rely on others and that others are trustworthy.
That others can rely on us and that we are trustworthy.
That God speaks through all of us, and that sharing with and listening to others is a Divine opportunity for inspiration, insights, and miracles.
How Do I Make My Very First Call List?
To get the ball rolling in making your first call list, simply sit down at your computer and grab a piece of paper and a pen. Give yourself 10 minutes to an hour or so of uninterrupted time. As you sit comfortably, take a deep breath into your heart. Remember that you are making a call list out of absolute L-O-V-E for yourself. Then you’ll be ready to take action on any or all of the following suggestions:
Assess your current friendships and write down the names of those friends who seem to be “call list” potential.
Assess your current familial relationships and write down the names of those relatives who seem to be “call list” potential.
Via online search or word of mouth, find an aligned counselor or therapist, making sure that the professional you seek-out is able to meet your very specific needs. For instance, if you are a lesbian who recently experienced a break-up, you may want to avoid working with a therapist who only prefers to have heterosexual couples as clients. If you are a practicing Buddhist, you may prefer to seek out a counselor who is capable of honoring and drawing upon ancient wisdom traditions. If you’re a survivor of sexual abuse, it may be more beneficial to work with a healer who is trained in trauma-informed care. If you are a recovering drug addict, you may desire to find a psychiatrist who specializes in addictions and holistic treatment. Do your research, then write down a name or two of potential counselors or therapists.
Via online search or word of mouth, find a self-help group, support group, or 12-step meeting that offers emotional support and practical help with a mental health challenge, life experience, or emotional concern shared by you. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Survivors of Incest Anonymous (SIA), and The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) are just a few of the numerous support groups that meet regularly online and in-person. Write down the name of one group or a few groups that resonate with you. Determine what days and times the group meets, and attend a meeting.
If you regularly begin to attend a self-help group or support group, find a person within the group who is available and willing to listen and share their experience, strength, and hope with you in regards to your precise life challenges. Ask them to be your mentor, sponsor, or fellow traveler.
As you take action on the aforementioned suggestions, you’ll begin to become adept at recognizing and discerning when a person is capable of being on your call list, and when they are not. Trust that this is an ongoing practice that you will get better and better at. For starters, when assessing if a person is suitable to add to your call list, it’s desirable that the person be:
Safe – The person can and will hold your words in confidence and anonymity, they will not go around telling your friends and family about what you said/did, nor will they gossip behind your back.
Supportive – The person “sees” you as a unique expression of God, recognizes that you have your own path (which may be dissimilar to theirs), and can detach from taking your story personal.
Non-judgmental – The person acknowledges that we all make mistakes, they don’t try to “fix” you, but instead they hold space for you to find your truth and your own way.
Loving/Compassionate – The person loves you unconditionally and demonstrates it consistently through action.
Actively introspective – The person is regularly doing their own personal work of awakening, and therefore has at minimum an introductory understanding of the challenges we all face within our human lives, as well as a collection of hard-won experiences that may be of benefit to others.
Accountable and self-responsible – The person veers away from offering “pat” answers and instead nudges you to look deeper at yourself in every situation where you are challenged or where discomfort arises.
I Have a Potential Call List, Now What?
Once you’ve written down a list of people who are potentially capable of being on your call list, it’s now time to reach out to each of the friends and family members on your call list and ask if they are willing and able to perform this role for you in your life. If you’ve identified a potential counselor or therapist, contact them via phone or email to ask more questions about their work and the healing modalities they use. If you’ve found a support group that potentially resonates with you, make a plan to attend a meeting. Basically, it’s time to ask others for help.
The difficult thing about overtly asking others to be a reliable source of love, support, and guidance in regards to your challenging situations and dark nights of the soul is that they can say “No, I’m not able to do that.” And that’s okay.
Not everyone is meant to be on your call list. Be grateful that others are honest with you, whether they say, “I’m in!”, or, “I can’t, I’m sorry.” Do your best to accept others as they are, releasing any judgment or expectations of them to be different. Then move on to asking the next person who is potentially capable of being on your call list. Try, and try again.
Be Gentle With Yourself
Your call list may initially have only one name on it. If this is true for you, then please take a moment to celebrate the fact that you have one name on your call list! Having one name on your call list is exponentially more helpful than having no call list, and no support, at all.
If your call list has 3 names on it (and I promise you that it will as you continue to make a conscious effort to create your call list), then please take a moment to feel and express immense gratitude for these fabulous humans in your life! Having 3 humans in your life whom you can rely on and trust, who are able to support you through tough times, and who are willing to share feedback is a gift beyond words.
And if you’ve read the aforementioned suggestions for creating a call list, and you literally can’t think of a single person that you’d add to your call list at this point in time, then please take a moment to congratulate yourself on making an honest and thorough inventory of your relationships and the depth (or lack thereof) of your connections in your life at present. Then make a commitment to yourself to forge new friendships and relationships that are mutually-supportive.
Finally, and in the meantime, you can always strive to be a person who is worthy of being included on someone else’s call list. It’s a great honor, and there is great personal reward and growth, in being a trustworthy, supportive, safe, and compassionate human being who is capable of holding space for someone else to share and express their difficult experiences with.
Never doubt that there is an overabundance of stellar human beings in the world who are absolutely willing and capable of holding presence with you through challenging situations and conversations. Your job is to intentionally seek them out and find them. You will succeed. And don't hesitate to be a person who can do the same for others. This is key.
On a personal note, in 2010 I myself started with a call list of one person, as guided to do so by my 12-step sponsor. At the time, I was struggling with codependence, and asking someone for help felt like intense weakness to me. I did so anyway, with great discomfort. Over the years, I have continued to invite mutually-supportive people to be on my call list, and several people have said, "No". I've graciously accepted that. It helped that my sponsor told me often, "If the first person on your call list doesn't answer the phone, call the second person, and so on, and so on. If no one answers your call for help, don't take it personal, but instead turn to your inner resources and prayer." Today, my call list has grown, and I'm adept at asking for help without fear or expectation. I express my enormous gratitude to my sponsor, who was not only the first person on my call list, but also the first person who demonstrated dependability to me, inspiring me to become equally dependable. Thank you SO much.
And if you’re feeling inspired to join a mutually-supportive group of participants on a consciousness-expanding retreat, join us for a 2-week Ayahuasca Plant Spirit Healing Retreat in the Amazonian rainforest of Peru!